Grace and Gratitude

Remember the strength in gratitude and appreciation. From the smallest thing in your life, to the biggest; give thanks and gratitude. The moment we start to FEEL that appreciation and gratitude is the moment we actually SEE how wealthy we truly are.

_/|\_

Namaste 

Listening to Our Intuition

Making big decisions can be hard. The thought of change, or rather the fear of change, can grip us in its ugly grasp holding us back and keeping us locked into a cycle of unending perpetuation. 


But sometimes, the feelings we get are not that of fear, but rather it is our intuition speaking to us, warning us, or telling us that it is not the right timing for change.


People have often asked me, "What is intuition?" Some wonder if it is some psychic mumbo-jumbo talk that has no bearing. 


Intuition is the Divine Connection which we all carry within us. It is locked deep within our souls, and it is our direct communication to Spirit. 

Many religions and spiritual paths teach us that when we are born, a veil is cast over our memories of previous lives or previous LIFE beyond this earthly realm. While this is true, the one thing that can not be covered, and the one thing that continues on is that part of our Divine Connection which speaks to us directly, guiding us and teaching us continually. It is the part of us that brings us comfort and solace in knowing when things are going to be OK, or warns us when we need to stop and make a detour. This is called our Intuition.


How can we detect the difference between feelings of earth-bound fear and warnings from intuition? 


When we feel conflicted and scared to move forward, it is important to listen to your "reaction" and your feelings. Investigate where the feelings are coming from. Ask yourself what it is that you are afraid of? What are the solid fears that you have in making the decision? Is it validated? Is it concrete? Is it tangible?  If you can decipher the fears that you have, and you can rationalize solutions to those fears, in other words come up with answers that are non-biased, or that cause more confusion and more fears to arise, they are more than likely simple earth-grounding fears. 


However, once you have answered your questions, you have found your solutions, but you continue to feel uneasy, even anxious, revisit the notion that the feelings you are having are intuitive and therefore a message for you to be aware of.


Sometimes, our intuitive red warning flags will simply direct us to a different path to get to the same goal. Sometimes, they are a message to halt or that the timing is not quite right for this change. 


Some time ago, my husband and I were approached with an opportunity that would be an answer to prayers we had both been seeking. The opportunity seemed solid, the individual who presented the opportunity was more than solid, they were a friend whose word we took as bond. 


At the time, I suddenly felt sick with anxiety. I tried to interpret those feelings as simple nerves of excitement, but instinctively I knew better. I did not want to listen, especially because my husband was truly overjoyed. Instead of listening to my "gut" as I knew I should, I forged and created my own thought pattern to match that of my husband and tried to align myself with the opportunity. 


I began to think in manner of manifesting the things that I wanted as outcome from the opportunity. As I began to grow physically sick from anxiety, I lied to myself and made myself believe that I was excited, to "ride the wave" of excitement. Any "bad" or "negative" or "adverse" thoughts that popped in to my head, I dismissed and recreated this idea of everything being as it should be, and the wonderful outcome that we would enjoy.


As time progressed, I began to see other "signs" about the person we considered a friend, wording used, avoidance of the subject, acting like a "spin doctor" and re-directing focus away from the subject. Finally, this person admitted that they felt that the opportunity may be a scam, but to continue holding out because there was still a chance that it might not be. 


In our desperation and deepest desire, and not wanting to believe that this person we had embraced as a friend would steer us wrong, while every sense inside of us was screaming otherwise, we proceeded along. 


Finally, we could not ignore and blatantly cast aside our doubts any longer and chose to pull away from the opportunity. The friend we thought we had, suddenly turned, and became the dark being that I had seen for some time in small glimpses here and there, but never fully showing themselves. While it was upsetting that the darkness of this individual became apparent, it was not shocking or disbelieving. It had already been told to me long ago, but I chose to ignore it.


Sometimes, we allow our human compassion and kindness to over-compensate for the truth of what is being presented. When these situations arise, we can shrivel up inside and disconnect ourselves from the world, from our environment, and from our Selves. We can turn the experience into a bitter resentment that will only fester. If we truly do not allow ourselves to learn from each experience, to come full circle to find forgiveness and release to be able to move forward, we can easily become lost.


Our intuition is a guide. It is not a metaphor nor is it mumbo jumbo. We have all felt it at some point in our lives. Most often, we choose to ignore that "gut" instinct and then when things turn adverse, we find fault outside our realm of individuality rather than accepting the responsibility, and embracing it as a lesson in learning, and lesson in growth. 


The more we embrace these opportunities in learning, rather than fearing them, the faster we can move past them and grow out of them.


When we begin to hold on to the fear, the blame, and finger-pointing, the more these opportunities for growth and learning will present themselves and we become locked in a cycle, becoming a perpetual victim.


Our intuitions guide us. Stop the chaotic activity and take time to go into complete silence and listen. 


Feel out what is being taught, what is being warned, what is being directed. Take your time. This is a life-long journey in learning. 


There will be times when we falter, that is perfectly OK as long as we understand that we can still pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and move forward. 


When we remove the earth-bound need for turning attention away from ourselves and finding "blame", and the more we become introspective in our learning of situations, simply accepting them, giving gratitude for the experience of learning, being ready to forgive and/or apologise, the easier it will be for us to release, let go, and move on.

~ Namaste ~

_/|\_

©Leyla Hur

All Rights Reserved. Copying, altering, displaying or redistribution of this material without written permission from the author is strictly prohibited.

Take the Plunge!

[First Posted June 16th 2010]

Have you ever stepped to the edge of a diving board, your stomach in knots with anticipation, but yet you hold back from jumping?

The knots in your stomach turn into butterflies of excitement at the prospect of diving off this small plank, and embraced into the arms of the water below you, but still you hold back.

Or have you ever appeared in a play, and just before your scene, your stomach in complete turmoil, nerves and shakes rack your body, you know that you simply must proceed forward, there is no turning back as you stand on the stage and the curtain raises.

Often, we have a burning desire to do something in life... maybe its walking up to that cute guy, or girl, and saying "Hi" with the hopes that it'll go somewhere; or maybe applying for the job that you have dreamed about since you were knee-high to a grasshopper.

Have you ever stood on that diving board, and the nerves over come you and you turn around and walk back to the safety of solid ground?

Have you fled the rising curtain, or allowed fear to overcome you to mute your mouth?

Did you kick yourself for not saying "Hi" to that cute guy (or girl); or not applied for that dream job?

Why did you turn away from progression? Was it fear that held you back? Was it words of others etched deep within your psyche which caused to you believe that you simply "couldn't"?

If you did not already know this, those butterflies, the knots, they are nothing more than the adrenaline coursing through you and pooling in your center. Adrenaline usually works to push you to jump, make the move, take that risk; but too often we allow self-defeating thoughts, fears, and others words and ideals to hold us back.

How do you think it would feel to live a life without regret, without turning around and walking away from the experience you wish for? What if we could progress on a journey where we only walked forward?

The truth is, we ARE on that journey of progressing forward, we actually don't go backwards, that is nothing more than a state of mind that creates an illusion of "two steps forward, five steps backwards"... those two steps forward is the expansion in the experiences in your life. Have you ever been on one of those moving pavements? When you step on to them, they carry you forward, life is akin to this.When we seemingly "go backwards" we are simply halting ourselves for the forward journey, which we are already on anyway, and we revise the past. I believe that we do that to learn the lessons we have missed.


I have been thinking about this a lot recently. Maybe it's the lack of hair that has lifted any "clouding" on my thoughts, who knows, but I do know that I've had quite a few experiences lately where I have been told that I move forward so much, but then go backwards.

Hmph... this was something I needed to truly examine. How often have I been on the very verge of letting certain thoughts flow out of my mouth which would change so much in my life, or stood on the edge of the diving board only to fight my way through the crowd to get back to solid ground? And don't get me wrong, sometimes holding back is a good thing; but unless we experience the bad together with the good, we will never know.

How many times over the years have I been bursting to express my artistic side only to hold back because it wouldn't be approved on by society?

How many times have I walked forward from the abuse in my first marriage and in other aspects of my life, having clarity of revelation, only to walk straight back into the same cycle of abuse; maybe on a very different scale, but abuse nonetheless?

But was I truly taking backward steps? No, I don't think so. But what I do believe is that I was recreating an experience because there were things I had not yet learned and so I'd revisit those times to find different outcomes and new revelations about who I was, and how far I had truly come.

There have been some around me who feel that I live in a cycle that trends; my shaving my hair was a definite reminder to break out of that cycle. And yes, I certainly DID feel those nerves and butterflies when my husband was shaving my hair off, but taking that plunge was so worth it.

So I ask you, what is it that you desire but lack that courage to move forward? What is stopping you and why?

Since I posted my last blog about 24-hours ago, I've had several emails from women who have expressed to me that they were right on the edge of that diving board, that they had been there for a while, but fear had prevented them from taking the plunge.

Gosh, how many years do we want to stand on the edge and not take that plunge? The experience of jumping freely into oblivion is exhilarating, freeing, empowering.

Stop putting the emotional road blocks in front of you and just take the plunge. Whether the plunge you want to take is successful or not is not the focus, the fact that you took action is most important.

Imagine if I really hated the way I looked bald. I still would not have any regrets, and I'll tell you why... for one, I know that hair grows back and I could simply walk around with hats and scarves for a few weeks, or even invest in a wig or two and see how that worked out. And two, the fact that I DID it, I took the chance, jumped into the water and felt that feeling of soaring coarse through my body, was worth it.

So if you want to say "Hi" to that cute guy or girl, and even go as far as ask them out; just do it. If they reject you, so what? YOU extended yourself out of your comfort zone and you did it. Their answer is only the second part of the experience, the main experience is that you did it. And hey, a date is not a marriage proposal and life-time commitment!

If you apply for that dream job and hate it, well you know that it was not for you; but the thing is is that you KNOW.

Several years ago, I was reading a book and a in a part of the book (which was written by an Orthodox Jewish Rabbi), he expressed that he did not believe in God. Initially a shock factor to hear such a devout man saying he did not believe in the presence of a being that he professes to on a daily basis; however, he went on to explain that he did not believe because belief leaves room for doubt, rather he KNEW God existed, because when you know something, there leaves no more room for doubt or question.

With that, I encourage you to experience everything in your life; feeleverything, each emotion, each experience, everything, because then you willknow what you truly like and dislike, therefore truly knowing YOU.

In the movie "Yes Man", Jim Carey's character attends a seminar and he is given the challenge to say "yes" to everything, every opportunity, every question, everything. While the movie takes it to a different extreme, the premise that is important is to see how his life changed and how much happier he was, how his horizons expanded with each new experience. I encourage you to take a week, or two, or three and say "Yes" to those things that you might not ordinarily say "yes" to; within legal reason of course.

Life is about having fun. Life IS fun, but we just limit ourselves, we place stereotypes on ourselves and others, and we conform to what others thoughts of "normalcy" is. Even for just one day, let things slide off your back, smile often, laugh even more, take at least one step out side of your comfort zone and see how you feel. If you like it, do it again tomorrow, and the day after; and record how you feel, how things in your psyche and environment change, how people around you change in reaction to your change.

I'd love to hear your comments, thoughts, and experiences, so please feel free to leave them for me below.

Celebrating your magnificence!

©Leyla Hur

All Rights Reserved. Copying, altering, displaying or redistribution of this material without written permission from the author is strictly prohibited.

Emerging Butterfly

[First posted June 22nd 2010]

I am so grateful for the wonderful friends that I have around me supporting me and loving me, no matter what.

Last night, I was absolutely exhausted, and received a comment from someone who quite often does tend to push buttons. Usually, I let things slide because I know the characteristic of this person; but last night, my button was pushed... all the way. I was upset.

The comment made me think that there are some people who think that other people's actions are done simply to offend them. My lack of hair seems to be having this effect on some people.

It makes me wonder about these people. What is up with their self-consciousness or lack of self-esteem that makes them feel like they are the victim in each and every situation?

This lead me to start examining my own life and my past. There was a time when I felt so guilty for everything, even going so far as believing that if I drove past a golf course, and it was stormy, and a golfer got struck by lightening, that it would somehow be my fault.

When you read that, you may be thinking "how ridiculous"; after all, I am not God, I can not control the weather, the golfer, the decisions or anything else. I think that kind of control would actually make me Satan and not God.

As I was able to get through that time in my life, let go of the guilt, and understand where it came from; I suddenly had people enter my life who had the exact same feelings of guilt.

A healthy person reading this might then wonder what have we done in our past that is causing us to feel guilty for everything.

It's not that we have done anything, but rather influences in our lives have caused us to believe these things. So when I understand this, I can also understand individuals who are perpetual victims, who open their mouths and speak without a filter causing others to feel hurt, confused, uncomfortable, and questioning of their actions.

Are they truly self-righteous, or are they coming from a place of victimization from past influences or abuse? Some people don't realise that they have been abused as it is so subtle, but their actions towards others are reflectent of their past and how they are living their lives.

Instead of focusing on the actions and words of the other person, I have to be reminded of the lessons which I learned when I was involved in Kabbalah and was involved with the Kabbalah Center; my teacher taught me that each time I react to a situation, I am simply reacting to something within me that is being mirrored back.

Sometimes I have found the reason to be really obvious, and other times, not so much. I remember at one Kabbalah event where I worked the registration desk; this woman was very demanding and argumentative about the money that was being charged for the event. The more I tried to explain in a calm and rational manner, the more belligerent she was getting. I was very pleasant to her, but inside of myself I was steaming.

For the life of me, I could not understand how I could be getting upset with something that was mirroring my own image; I mean, I would never speak to a person like this, so what was the mirror?

I spoke with my teacher who told me that the woman was obviously displaying issues of trust, and the lack thereof. NOW the penny dropped... THIS is what I had been reacting to.

Most of my life, I have had major issues of trust. Growing up, I was taught to not trust anyone, to not speak about family secrets to anyone, and to keep myself encrusted in a cocoon with walls so thick that no-one could penetrate them.

This lack of trust affected every area of my life. I was so closed down and so angry, that I used that as a protective barrier so that no one could come in and cause more disruption to my life. In my lack of trust, I opened myself up to the worst possible person and allowed an abuser to enter and grasp a hold of my neck and squeeze the life out of me. This experience only caused my walls to thicken and my anger to deepen.

When I met my current husband, I felt a place of security and in that place of safety and security, I let myself go, just a little, and in doing that the pain and anger and all the emotions that had laid dormant for so long, began to creep out and I went through a major breakdown. For 2 1/2 years my husband and I suffered through a roller coaster of emotions, angry outbursts, and while I was letting these emotions out, I was burying even deeper ones.

As I struggled to surrender myself to the emotions buried deeply, and they resurfaced, I began to encounter more and more people who were suffering through many of the same emotions and experiences. They were uncanny and it was amazing how each of these emotions related to me. It was as if God had placed these people directly in my presence, coming to me for advice, so that I would HEAR the advice and then learn from it.

The more I opened myself up to understanding what I was going through, delving deeply to uncover the deep seeded emotions, the more that these people were coming to me; and with each person's story, another layer of my own past was uncovered and I was lead to understanding.
In my difficulty; and quite frankly, anger last night at this persons comment, I wrote to a couple of friends to express myself and vent. The advice I received back was wonderful. I did not need (or want) anyone to jump down this person's throat, I did not need anyone to bad mouth this person, what Ineeded to hear were the same words I would have told them in the same situation. I am so grateful to them for the sage advice in reminding me that in the ignorance of this individual they don't realise what they are saying and that I know who I am, and reminding me that I have done this for me. I did not do this to piss anyone off, or offend them; in fact, I did not do this for anyone at all. I am learning about a new part of who I am and why I am, what I like and don't like. I am entering a new phase in my life and I am pretty darned proud of myself.

My cocoon is thinning drastically and I am emerging as the beautiful butterfly that I am.

©Leyla Hur

All Rights Reserved. Copying, altering, displaying or redistribution of this material without written permission from the author is strictly prohibited.

My Awakening

Over the past few days, I feel like I have come into a new Spiritual Awakening, a complete and total understanding. To keep this locked up inside of me would not service me, or whoever might be reading this.

For too long, I have tried to find “understanding” within the walls of religion. Recently, I had a comment from someone that was very negative in its very words, but in comprehending, pondering, meditating, and then understanding, I find myself sitting here tonight with complete understanding.

The individual who wrote to me accused me of having an “identity crisis”, they told me that I should have “gotten over” my identity crisis years ago. While my initial reaction was one of complete shock and hurt at the words, I now am grateful for those words because it caused me to open my heart and my mind to complete and total opening up to my Self.

Over the years, I have traversed many spiritual paths, gone on spiritual journeys, and tried very hard to find my sense of “belonging” within the walls of organized religion.

This started in my mid-teens when I was in a foreign country attending school in a distant location from the town I was living in with my Grandparents. Alone, lonely, away from “home” (the home that I had grown up in with my parents), and without the friends I had known most of my life, I was friendless in this town. The only people I could consider as “friends” from school lived in the city, a distance from where I was.

In that loneliness, I was introduced to the Mormon Church via members of the church who embraced me and accepted me as one of their own. At 16-years-old, it was no wonder that their complete, total, unconditional acceptance appealed to me and drew me in. Whether I actually believed in the teachings of the church, I felt that I had found my place of belonging.

After I was baptized in to the Church, I found myself leaving within 9-months. I began my true “journey” through many different paths and religions, returning often to the Church, but never staying long.

For so many years I could not understand why I was not “satisfied” to just give up my life and any other beliefs that I might have and remain within the bonds of the church; at the same time, I wondered why I kept being drawn back to the church.

So when I was finally “out” of the church, my name removed from their records as if I was never even in existence; in essence, wiping me away from the mind and the cognition of God, I felt freed and relief. Now, I was finally released to truly explore my own truth.

After my father died, I delved in to the religion of my ancestors, my father and my birth; Islam.

Initial study taught me that Islam was more a way of life; it was a spirituality where Allah (God) was everything, not merely IN everything, but actually WAS everything.

Removed was the belief and teaching that God was a mortal man, an image that I simply could not comprehend since first learning about this “white-bearded Deity”. My mortal conceptualization of an omnipresent being contained within a body of flesh and bone seemed overtly limiting to me. The idea of a Holy Ghost and Son seemed even more foreign to me.

So, as I delved more into the study of Islam, things began to make sense. And that is why when I was first harassed by what are known as “haraam police” (haraam meaning “forbidden”), I was shocked. These individuals claiming that their “correcting” me was “sunnah” and that if I was to be a Muslim, I had “better get used to it”.

Often, I felt like I was a mere child being scolded continually by individuals whom I had never met and whom I did not know; strangers, that were labeled as “sisters” simply because we were both Muslim.

I became increasingly frustrated and angered at these people who were correcting my every thought, my every belief, my every action, and most often these individuals were much younger than me.

A couple of times, I came close to giving up the entire aspect of Islam because of the nastiness that was spouting out of these individuals, followed up by the prevalent “I say this because I love you for the sake of Allah”. What the hell did that sentiment mean? They only “loved” me to keep in the ‘good graces’ of Allah; and that “I”, the “you” they were correcting, had no matter, no meaning, no worth?

I began to withdraw from a lot of the social and religious activities within the community as the offense of more than one unnerved me. I was told by the select few I confided in to just “ignore them”; but in my doing that, I was continuing to give them permission to act in such an abusive manner.

An individual with my background does not accept abuse by simply rolling over and taking it. I have long-learned to open my mouth, stand out strong and tall, and shout out against abuse.

In my frustration, I tried to understand why I kept delving back in to different spiritual paths. Why was I not simply satisfied with “me”? What was I truly searching for, and would I ever really find it?

In a moment of complete and sheer frustration, I unloaded on a dear friend, and divulged a part of myself to her. I let down my barriers and opened up to a secret I kept long buried. In my doing so, in her amazing response, and in my thinking about her words, I finally saw clearly the whole picture. I finally understood myself, my frustrations, my “need” to hide behind organized religion.

This was a process that first began last year, but I could not let myself go enough to be honest and truthful with who I was and “why” I was.

In this openness that I finally began embracing, I began to SEE and see for the very first time.

I began addressing issues that I had seen crop up time and time in religion, and especially what I had recently learned within the confines of Islam “the religion”.

One of the biggest issues was the idea of covering in the hijab. When I first covered, I did it for myself. I did for my own reasons and it had nothing to do with the common misnomer held within Islam. And I had often questioned myself if my own reasons for covering were “in line” with what was common thought within the religion itself.

The verse in the Quran says; “And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty…” Qu’ran 24:31

And when I finally came to understanding, I realized that when God speaks, He speaks in the whole sense of the explanation and it is us mere mortals who understand in literal, and in so-doing, MIS-understanding.

“Guarding” one’s modesty is something that most of us do already. What is “modesty” in the true understanding of the word? In the online Princeton Wordnet definition it says that modesty is freedom from vanity or conceit. When we guard against this, we are removing EGO (Edging God Out) from our lives.

So covering the body in “modesty” as the literal translation has been interpreted, might not be what the original belief was.

When I meditated on “lowering their gaze”, I realized that this was not something that was also literal, but realize that this was the precursor to guarding modesty. Again, I finally understood it to mean that we need to be aware of our surroundings. When we lower our gazes as we walk, we are being cognitive of the path ahead of us. While this is indicated towards us as individuals, it has a much bigger meaning to it. A deeper, more spiritual meaning and not the literal translation that has kept so many women covered in cloth for so long.

I questioned why, if modesty was such an important thing, were we all born naked and emerging out of our mother’s naked vaginas. And then I understood the complete picture…

We are already “covering our modesty” as we emerge out of the womb, as we are forming IN the womb. Our “covering” is our physical bodies, and this covers that which “drives” our bodies, our soul.

In discussion with my husband, he asked “So does this mean that we’ll all be naked in heaven?”

No. We will not be naked; we will not have the bodies which we have now, because we are nothing but forms of energy.

We say Allah is everything, not just IN everything, but IS everything. How could that be? What is true omnipotence? The concept is difficult to comprehend on so many levels. But as we transcend in Spiritual awareness, it makes complete and total sense. Upon shedding of our mortal bodies, we too are omnipotent in that we can be in more than one place at one time because we are nothing more than energy forms.

Does this concept align us with Allah and “enjoin” us to him? Yes and no.

Yes we are aligned because if we truly believe that Allah is the creator of all things, therefore OUR creator, we hold a strand of His DNA within us. This is shown in the mere fact that we are alive, we are breathing and we are feeling. We have a soul, and in that soul, He holds a part of us. This is what is called Divine Connection. This is also what links each and every single person upon this earth to each other.

Does this mean that we are in essence “Gods”? Yes and No. Yes in that we are creators of our own destinies, and no in the literal sense of the word. We each hold a part of God in us through that Divine Connection, but we are NOT Gods in that literal sense of the word, at least in my comprehension.

In answering my husband’s question, no we will not be “naked” because we will have no form to be naked with, but rather we are energy.

Someone asked tonight “how can God judge us, and why God would like some of us or dislike some of us when he doesn’t have a character and human emotions?”

I replied, “From what I have learned over my years (not IN religion), I have learned that this "judgment" is truly that Divine source in all of us (our soul connectedness) that will be responsible for judging us based on experience culminating with the intensity of Love on the Other Side, as well as complete and total understanding of the ages once removed from our physical form and limitations as well as human, earth-held, understanding. I have a very difficult time comprehending a "court" with the energy force that is Allah at the head handing down judgment and "sentencing".”

And I truly do believe this. It just makes complete and total sense to me. I suddenly “get it”, I understand and I feel completely freed in my understanding.

I no longer feel confined within the bounds of man-made religion. I finally can understand the concept of living and experiencing without the man-made rules and regulations.

Am I no longer “Muslim”? Yes I am, because I understand the meaning of Islam being “to submit” or “to surrender”, from the Arabic root word “Peace” (Salaam). Muslim means “one who submits”. But again, I do not believe that it means this in the literal sense, but rather in the limitless sense. 

We all submit and surrender in so many aspects of the meaning, being “submissive” does not mean the same thing which many have come to understand the meaning.

As a tree bends in the wind, so too we bend with the winds of change. It is a natural process.

Life is as easy or difficult as we choose to make it. For me, I choose to make life easy, without all the confines of rules and regulations, rights and wrongs. I choose to simply Be.

The true purpose of life; is to experience, and in those experiences we learn, we expand our minds, and we live.

©Leyla Hur

All Rights Reserved. Copying, altering, displaying or redistribution of this material without written permission from the author is strictly prohibited.