I have come full circle, and my 'circle' has expanded in the knowledge I have gained about myself.
For about a year, I have delved into a period of time of introspection. At the time my Dad passed, and for quite some time after that, I lost that introspection and just fell under a dark blanket of sorrow and deep grief. Consumed with the darkness, introspection disappeared from my existence as I coursed through the endless winding roads of sorrow and depression.
However, as the end to the darkness found a meeting with twilight, I once again found myself diving into the learning of Me, understanding and comprehending. Now I sit here, exposed bare to myself, understanding met with confusion, peace with chaos, joy with sorrow. And yes, that is exactly the roundabout that I am on right now.
We all wear masks. Once doors are closed to private and personal domains, no one knows what goes on in there. Our masks act in the same way, and so we choose to let certain people in for a glimpse of aspects of ourselves. Too often, we treat our Selves in the same manner, hiding away from the truth that is Us.
Delving in, thrusting open the curtains to let in the light and clear off the dust to the dirty window, and exposing oneself to Self, can be scary and confusing, sad and often lonely.
In my journey, I have found that I am surrounded by others who understand, who tell me that I am not alone in my journey, who love me in spite of my truth or maybe because of it. I am blessed to have those who do not judge closest to me.
Yes, I learned who I am. Coming out and revealing who I was to the chosen few closest to me, was more difficult than I could imagine. But they ease my burden, they are there for me to be open.
Sometimes, I am not as together as my mask would show. Often, behind my mask is a scared little girl who wants to hide away from the world.
How many of us hide something deep down inside that we lock away so far, and under such high levels of security that we prevent ourselves security clearance? The more we try and hide from ourselves, the more out of balance our lives become. The process to rediscovering, embracing, and loving; regardless of what that deep buried truth is, is not an easy process. It means tearing up the foundations of what one assumes is a perfect and idyllic structure. But in the rebuilding process, the stress and frustration of the rebuild, or rather rediscovery, uncovers treasures that may never have been unearthed.
I am blessed. I am still walking my journey and dealing with emotions as they come. However, I am not looking forward, I am taking each step as it comes in a process. I embrace the positive and the negative as it arises, because each is an experience.
I pray the journey will be a short one, but I also know that when one journey ends, another begins. Sometimes, one merges in to another. Right now, I am just open to receiving and will embrace the time when I can impart my learning to others.
All Rights Reserved. Copying, altering, displaying or redistribution of this material without written permission from the author is strictly prohibited.