Sunday, May 8, 2011

Lifting the Mask and Unearthing A Treasure

The past year has been a real roller coaster ride, with so many detours and changes along the ups and downs.

I have come full circle, and my 'circle' has expanded in the knowledge I have gained about myself.

For about a year, I have delved into a period of time of introspection. At the time my Dad passed, and for quite some time after that, I lost that introspection and just fell under a dark blanket of sorrow and deep grief. Consumed with the darkness, introspection disappeared from my existence as I coursed through the endless winding roads of sorrow and depression.

However, as the end to the darkness found a meeting with twilight, I once again found myself diving into the learning of Me, understanding and comprehending. Now I sit here, exposed bare to myself, understanding met with confusion, peace with chaos, joy with sorrow. And yes, that is exactly the roundabout that I am on right now.

We all wear masks. Once doors are closed to private and personal domains, no one knows what goes on in there. Our masks act in the same way, and so we choose to let certain people in for a glimpse of aspects of ourselves. Too often, we treat our Selves in the same manner, hiding away from the truth that is Us.

Delving in, thrusting open the curtains to let in the light and clear off the dust to the dirty window, and exposing oneself to Self, can be scary and confusing, sad and often lonely.

In my journey, I have found that I am surrounded by others who understand, who tell me that I am not alone in my journey, who love me in spite of my truth or maybe because of it. I am blessed to have those who do not judge closest to me.

Yes, I learned who I am. Coming out and revealing who I was to the chosen few closest to me, was more difficult than I could imagine. But they ease my burden, they are there for me to be open.

Sometimes, I am not as together as my mask would show. Often, behind my mask is a scared little girl who wants to hide away from the world.

Today I exclaimed in sheer panic "I don't WANT to be like this!", and I felt over come with shame and sorrow in the learning experience of my own truth. But it is a journey I am traversing, and as one very dear friend beautifully and loving me told me "things will start to make sense with each day that passes."

How many of us hide something deep down inside that we lock away so far, and under such high levels of security that we prevent ourselves security clearance? The more we try and hide from ourselves, the more out of balance our lives become. The process to rediscovering, embracing, and loving; regardless of what that deep buried truth is, is not an easy process. It means tearing up the foundations of what one assumes is a perfect and idyllic structure. But in the rebuilding process, the stress and frustration of the rebuild, or rather rediscovery, uncovers treasures that may never have been unearthed.

I am blessed. I am still walking my journey and dealing with emotions as they come. However, I am not looking forward, I am taking each step as it comes in a process. I embrace the positive and the negative as it arises, because each is an experience.

I pray the journey will be a short one, but I also know that when one journey ends, another begins. Sometimes, one merges in to another. Right now, I am just open to receiving and will embrace the time when I can impart my learning to others.


©Leyla Hur
All Rights Reserved. Copying, altering, displaying or redistribution of this material without written permission from the author is strictly prohibited.


  1. well said!On the other hand..what else is there to do if one wants to come out educated, wiser, humbler, more loving, less judging, more accepting and less needy. I hear you. We all have a journey and sometime there is no fork..there is just a *go with the flow* as a 12 year old friend of my little boy likes to say. Hang in there and stick your face and heart in the rays of the sun!

  2. Thank you for your comment. There is absolutely nothing wrong with ones mind expanding, and ones Self recreating and exploring new possibilities. It is definitely part of life's journey.

    Sometimes, the journey can be a hard one. Sometimes, it's easier simply settling and staying put, accepting who we are now and not permitting change to occur. The only one for whom that is a disservice, is ourself.

    Expanding our minds is the only way to finding true happiness, especially when that expansion is the understanding, comprehending, and accepting of Self.

    I LOVE the perspective of our youth in the simplicity which only they can see things. For us adults, we often tend to lose sight of that beauty of simplicity as we get caught up in the complexities of our own making.

    Kudos to your son's friend, what sage advice! ;)

    Embracing the rays of the sun and enjoying life and learning. ;)

    Thanks for your comment.

    Loves to you!